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There is a “CAN” in Cancer April 17, 2012

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Motivation.
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 There is a “CAN” in Cancer

Did you notice? There is a very positive and a very powerful CAN fused inside the word ‘can’cer. Yuvaraj Singh is the most talked about sports icon as on date. This time not for the reason of the power of his bat but for the way he hurled the discomfort, of being diagnosed with cancer, outside the boundary. He has really proved it that one CAN win over the biggest hurdle in life, provided one has the will to look beyond. Yuvaraj Singh is not the only player who defeated cancer. Mathew Wade got hurt on the playground and was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 16. It was tough for him to believe that his injury was not the one which could be cured by way of medicines or at best an operation. He went through all kinds of possible treatments and it took him 2 years to float across the sea of sickness. At 19, Wade came back on field and started practicing cricket. Eventually he got into playing national level games. Today, after Adam Gilchrist and Brad Hydin, Mathew Wade is the most preferred choice as a wicket keeper in the Australian Cricket squad. Mathew Wade is now determined to represent the country in 2015 world cup. From cancer to international cricket has been possible for Wade only because of his strong willpower, unfathomable positive self belief and indefatigable self confidence.

Late Dr. Sharad Raghunath Ingle, when he was on the verge of retirement from his professional career as a Principle of a Government Science College, was diagnosed with lung cancer in its final stages. Within a week of being diagnosed with cancer, one lung had to be removed and he was immediately pushed into the laps of chemotherapists and radiologists. Two months ordeal dealing with the disease did not put him into any apparent dis-ease at all. Dr. Ingle rejoined his college for a few weeks before retirement and in his first address to students he narrated the benefits of being diagnosed with cancer! Yes you read it right : BENEFITS from Cancer. The list he presented could be a prescription only from a man with exceptionally positive outlook. A few items from the illustrative list are :

* Benefits from Indian Railways for Cancer patients, discounted tickets, free travel for attendants etc.
* Sympathies and empathies visit your house in truck loads; You rarely have to purchase fruits!
* You get priority when standing in long queues.
* Your long lost relatives pay you a visit and relations get rejuvenated.
* You get to know yourself better since you start communicating with yourself more.
* You finish doing things you always wanted to do in life but somehow either procrastinated or hesitated doing those.

Post retirement Dr. Ingle started counseling & care services for cancer patients and their relatives. A teacher in him was always keen to educate. He used to teach them how to not to address sufferings. Cancer is just another disease and like one treats a blood pressure or a sugar, similarly one is required to take care of his physique and manages heath. At the time when he was diagnosed with cancer, doctors were not sure if he might survive for a few days or weeks! Good news is Dr. Ingle enjoyed every moment of his life for the next five years!

Your attitude plays the biggest role in addressing your issues. I read a quotation on the front door of a physician which said, “I will be able to cure you only if you believe in me”. You need to imbibe an extremely positive self belief even in the most difficult situations. Unfortunately belief is lost when it is required the most. This is a vital charachter which should be taught to us in early childhood. As a child we get taught certain wrong lessons by parent’s, though unintentional but sometimes fetal. When a kid lands up in a difficult situation elders invariably rush to get her out into a safe zone. This sounds humanly desirable but at times children should also be allowed to take on difficulties on their own. Parent’s cannot be life time guardians and life will not be smooth always. Sometimes hurdles are just unavoidable. Say for example if you are on your way to work / school and you meet with an accident. This might be a completely unavoidable state of affair. If you are stuck into an unfair and most unlikely situation, the first thing you need to do is to accept the situation as it is. Crying over an unhappy and uncalled for situation has never helped anyone to transcend. Once the total acceptance sinks in, you are then better prepared to look for solutions. Accepting a tough situation should not be confused with surrendering to it. While surrender is the end of efforts, acceptance is a new beginning.

Yuvaraj Singh had the access to the best of the medical care but it would not have been possible for him to come back cured if he had zero stock of belief. On the backdrop of such hero’s and warriors who fight strongly and win over the most challenging ordeals in life I look at common man who gets into the garbage of depression just on the knock of minor ailments! People are as strong as they think they could be. Excessive emotional indulgence into an ailment makes one weak. The only alternate is to take on the disease logically and pursue with ambitions in life emotionally. Let the right brain not know what the left brain is dealing with. If you think you CAN, even a cancer will not stop you from getting your dreams fulfilled, the need is to believe that you CAN and hence You MUST!

LESSONS FOR EXCELLENCE :

•A disease should be looked at only as a roadblock, not the end to it.
•An unsurmountable courage is the first tool to deal with difficulties.
•Irrespective of constrains if you CAN think “I CAN”, you WILL.
•It pays to be an optimist, be so always.
•If it is to be it is up to me to do it!

Feedback : Ajit Varwandkar

Email : md@fsindia.in

 

FOR MORE INSPIRATION : PLEASE READ :

1. You can still win …. http://bit.ly/zTLuXB

2. It’s possible to get what you want� http://bit.ly/z3QmOF

 

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What not to miss on Basant Panchami January 28, 2012

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Life and all.
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Think wise and become beautiful

 

Today is Basant Panchami – a festival celebrated to the worship of Goddess of knowledge and learning, Mother Saraswati. In today’s write-up let’s get acquainted with the significance of this festival through the props as we see in the pictures of Goddess. Mythological portraying of Goddess Saraswati depicts her as a woman wearing white colour dress ornamented with white pearls while she is sitting on a white lotus. She holds white colour flowers in her hands and she holds a string-instrument called Veena.

 

The White Colour :

 

The most prominent feature in the Goddess’s portrait is the white colour. White embodies faith and signifies success. A white flag represents peace and truce. White means safety and usually has a positive connotation. White is associated with hospitals, doctors, and sterility.   A colour indicating transcendence, a new-born child is usually wrapped in a white colour dress and when the soul departs it is also covered in a white coffin.

 

In profession and business, white is associated with transparence, fair play, cleanliness and simplicity. It’s the color of snow and demonstrates cool temperament. White is an open canvass for unlimited imaginations; angels ( paris) in stories for children are usually imagined wearing white clothes.  In management parlance we differentiate jobs basis colours. The nomenclature goes like this white collar jobs, blue collar jobs etc.  White collar work means a high level of education and a flashy job profile. A job that might need formal attire and would fetch high salaries.

 

White is associated with goodness, purity and is considered to be the color of perfection. White is the colour of truth and wisdom. It is the wise who wins and the successful  is one who has power. With so much of a significance to this colour, the Goddess of wisdom inspires us to acquire eternal knowledge and divine wisdom.

 

The Lotus : 

 

Lotus is a spiritual symbol in various cultures across the world . In Hindu, Buddhist and Egyptian religions, the lotus is considered a sacred flower.  It is a symbol of growth, continuity. It also represents life  and its buds symbolizes unyielding potential.

 

We all know the proverb that a lotus blooms in marsh.  A symbol of purity and resurrection the lotus blossoms pure from within untidy waters. Spiritually speaking the human journey transacts from a contaminated world of thoughts to the enlightened state of oneness. In the same way as the lotus flower goes through its growth phases : emerges from dirty water to become a beautiful flower.

 

To the common man this flower suggests success under difficult situations. Your current circumstances do not decide your success or failure. In fact it is your current state of mindset which defines the future course of your life. Think wise and become beautiful. The lotus makes its way through water and rises above its surface with glory. It remains in water but is not incapacitated by it.  You might have been born to poor parents or you might find yourself in the state of a mess but as the lotus suggests, you surely have the chance to bring out and see the beauty of victory.

 

 

Hamsa (The Swan) & the Peacock :-  

 

Goddess Saraswati is portrayed sitting along with a white swan on one side and a peacock on the other.  A white swan represents purity and an uncompromising attitude for virtues.  It is known to have a tremendous amount of discriminating power. The swan’s beak is very sensitive – it can even separate the milk from water. A lesson to be learned is to learn to  discriminate the right from the wrong and always be on the correct path. On the contrary the bird Peacock is profusely influenced by weather conditions & shows versatile swings in its moods. It dances in ecstasy when the spring beacons and it cries in agony when it is separated from its mate.

 

The Swan represents the head and the peacock indicates the heart. Goddess Saraswati teaches the human beings to keep a perfect balance between the head and heart. It educates us to lead an emotionally intelligent lifestyle.

 

The Veena –

 

This sitar like instrument symbolizes harmony in life. The music of life will sound melodious only when it is in rhythm. It is basically the music inside our mind which soothes us and not what we listen through our ears. It is the cumulative sound created by our thoughts and actions which create the music in our universe.

 

Whatever we feel delivers sorrow or happiness. We become what we think. The veena with Goddess prescribes us to be in sync with positive and powerful thoughts. Let the music of success play inside your soul, only then you will be able to attain it practically.

 

The Book :-

 

A  book in the hands of Goddess does not just underline the importance of acquiring knowledge it also admonishes us to learn to assimilate as much information as we can. This is the internet world and information is power. In order to be successful it is imperative to always be online with the latest in technology and wisdom.

 

On this day of Basant Panchami I pray to the goddess to bless the complete humanity with the divine wisdom, success and greatest happiness.

 

By : Ajit Varwandkar

 

Feedback : md@fsindia.in

The Times of India CG, Carried this Career Kolaveri Di story January 10, 2012

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Career News And updates.
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Tips from Kolaveri Di to secure your career

While the nation is effervescently rhyming with the beats of Tamil song “Why this Kolaveri di?” there is this monster called recession silently trying to make inroads into our happiness. The United Nations has set the scarecrow in action by projecting that the world economy is likely to further slowdown in 2012. UN’s World Economic Situation and Prospects 2012 report has cut the global growth forecast for next year to 2.6% from 4% in 2010.

Think of the word recession and the “dirty picture” of “job cuts” & “layoffs” gets displayed on our memory screen. Unemployment has become almost synonymous with recession. The country has managed to wriggle out of the 2008 subprime fiasco and I am sure we are not prepared to face yet another era of slowdown blues. The fact is that at an individual level one cannot do much to stop the impending slump as it is a global issue. What do you do, when you cannot change the circumstances? Change yourself, Isn’t it? Getting scared is not enough, one should switch on the career saver strategies at work. The million dollar question is “what changes in work behavior would help an individual to safeguard career?”.
Here I present some lessons drawn from the song Kolaveri di which suggests how to make our career recession proof.

Be Innovative & Creative :


Tough times never last but innovative people do. The innovative exposition of the song Kolaveri makes it recognisable. People of all ages might not like the song but none can stop it from getting registered in the brain cells. Likewise an innovative employee has multiple strengths. Such a person is often looked upon to by the management whenever there is a challenging situation. Be creative and keep delivering results. A crisis saver in the organization never gets a pink slip.

Be Different

You will agree that the song Kolaveri is absolutely different. Right from lyrics to video the song is incommensurable. When the business does not see a growth with and routine strategies go bust, companies are forced to be different. In the cluttered market place it is imperative to stand apart from the crowd. When recession strikes and job cuts are on card, the first to be sacked are the commoners, the one’s who are not distinguished. It is strongly advised to be identified as a person with exceptional skill sets. Being different in approach could be a career saver skill for you.

Be in rhythm :

“Why this Kolaveri di? is a song full of meaningless sentences ( if any) but still sounds interesting. Even the absurdity of words rhyme with the flow of the song and that’s the key reason behind its success. Come to the corporate world and there are times when logistics do not work out the way one desires. You might want to execute some strategy but the management might be planning something else. When times are not smooth never break the rhythm, try to ride the wave till you hit the shore. Your being in sync with the organizational tune will help you propitiate the management. Essence is to shed all inhibitions, learn to be different and still be in the organizational rhythm.

Be Fast :
It is said that the lyrics of Kolaveri Di got scribbled just in about 20 minutes. Even the song was released before the scheduled release date. The message drawn is “be fast, be first”. To insulate ones career from the shock of recession it is mandatory to be smart, swift and efficient. You are less likely to face the heat of slump if you are ahead of others in the organization. Being quick in your response will help you insinuate yourself into the managements perception. Admonition here is be quick but never be hasty in your actions.

Be involved :
It’s important to be involved in your work. Love your work. Be persistent even when things do not go your way. Generally employees preempt doom and prematurely start behaving desperate. Do not give in to peer grape wine. An organization is always keen to survive out of the tide. Job cut is one of the tools used to save cost but generally it is not the first to be used. There are many other interventions related to inventory and financial austerity which an organization deploys first.

Ajit Varwandkar
Feedback : md@fsindia.in

If your child is at the career cross road December 3, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, career guidance and counselling.
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If your child is at the career cross road

Recently I attended a marriage reception. These wedding parties sometimes give you the feel of getting stranded at a fuel station. You have to stand in the long queue near the stage and wait for your turn to greet the newlywed couple!  It was 9.00 pm in the late evening and I was somehow killing time in the queue. I was anxious to dispose-off the bouquet at the earliest.

I realized someone was throwing a smile at me. It was the parent of one of the school student who had once upon a time appeared for a career guidance & counseling session with me in my office. On that very spot, standing in the queue, the concerned parents threw rapid fire round of questions at me. Sir, I want to see my daughter as an engineer, can you tell us which all colleges outside our state should we target? How should she be preparing for the examinations? Some study tips from you will really be helpful for my daughter to excel in her career, so on and so forth…..

I could see the agony in the eyes of the child. After a while I could even register a sense of embarrassment on the face of the kid. Definitely she did not want to be bothered on career selection and study tips while in the party. Any child will not like this. Parent of this student were a bit too concerned about her career. Excess concern borders paranoia. 

Many parents complain about their child’s education & career consciousness in multiple variants. A few shared here: “My child does not share his interests with me.”, “I am ready to help him but he is never keen to take our support.”, “The child is introvert at home and extrovert in school.”, “He is so stubborn when it comes to career selection and does not give us a damn.”.  

If your child is at a career crossroad she is at a very sensitive career stage. It is really rightful for the parent to be bothered about their ward’s career. It is also of utmost importance to respect the child’s individuality and give her space. I have observed that in the process of imparting right career directions to their children many parents intrude into their creativity and independence. Such attempts either miss fires or worst back fires. Such illegitimate intrusions are harmful not just for the child and the parent but also for the society.

Too much involvement in child’s career building process is equally harmful as too less involvement is. Some parents make an open offer to their children. They say, “Go ahead and do whatever you want to, we will support you”.  This decision to respect the child’s decision is really good but not really fruitful. It is the moral responsibility of the parent to first suggest a few career options and then ask the child to make a career choice. It is vital to note at this stage that before making any suggestion, child should be thoroughly accessed on interest, aptitude and abilities. Careers matching with these parameters should then be suggested to the child. If required support of professional counselors should necessarily be sought.

As per one survey an average student in India spends not more than 4 hours throughout the school life planning for life’s career decisions. Majority of the students are simply not aware of the various career options available in the society!   On the contrary they spend more than 20 hours on selecting the bike / scooty and about 50 hours selecting a house.

Career decision has a big significance in one’s life. Students should be encouraged to think on the following questions while they are crossing the middle school : “What should I do in my life?”, “what is my career inspiration”,  “what are my most liked and most disliked career streams”, “How & when should I plan my career?” When the student starts addressing these questions, we can be sure that she has started climbing the ladder of career success.

I believe that every single student has the potential to become successful in life. Parents should play the role of a light house & a guide post. They should shower enough light for the child to take a leap and also warn when there is danger.  Their support & guidance should enable the student to take informed career decisions & prepare well for future.

LESSONS FOR EXCELLENCE :

  • Failing to plan for child’s career is nothing but planning to see your child fail in her career.
  • In the process of guiding your child please ensure that you guard her self esteem. Irrelevant tinkering into her aspiration will only make her restless, insecure and insincere.
  • It is important for the parent to be self aware about career choices and be confidant about happenings in life, only then the child will inculcate these attributes.
  • Over indulgence by parent into child’s choices might display lack of trust. Beware.
  • Law of career success states that the child should select the career which she is desperate for and not the one which her parents were ambitious for at some point of time.

 

By : Ajit Varwandkar

Feedback : md@fsindia.in

These children are brand ambassadors of strength November 12, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Inspirational Story.
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These children are brand ambassadors of strength

Our state Chhattisgarh celebrated its eleventh state formation day by organizing a state level fest in Raipur called Rajyotsav-2011. In between 1st Nov’2011 and  5th Nov’2011 people from all across the state gathered in huge numbers to this expo. It was an influx of almost one lack footfalls each day.

Luck struck fair for me and I got to make my presence usefully registered on this occasion. Higher Education Department of the State Government of Chhattisgarh organized a unique reality show named as “Nano Career Guidance- ON THE SPOT”. I was given the responsibility to counsel students and extend guidance in this show. In the course of these five days more than 600 students visited us. Apparently the students who visited had an inconspicuous personality but still each one of them carried a unique history. When I spoke to the students at length I understood more about life. Some students had some characteristics so special about them that one could draw a heavy dose of inspiration out if it. I present here the real life stories of a few such students.

The first story is of Dhanesh Sahu who belongs to a small village near Raigarh. He scored 87% marks in class XIIth examination. His father is a cycle rickshaw puller and mother works as a house maid. He has two sisters. Father is a drunkard and has articulated a hell in their daily life out of his bad habit. Dhanesh had appeared for pre engineering entrance and qualified to join a reputed engineering college. However he consciously decided not to take admission into engineering because his financial & family situations did not support his education. He knows he will not have enough time and money to get an engineering degree from a full-time course college.

The most appreciable part of Dhanesh’s story is that his dream & desire to become an engineer is intact with him in spite of acute constraints in life. According to him “lack of motivation” is the first commuter which starts running along with an individual as soon as he steps on the lane of problems in life. Always stand directly under the “sun rays of motivation” so that the “shadow of second thoughts” is never seen. He has already acquired the qualification of ITI and has started working with an engineering organization as a machinist. I will work for two years, earn some money for myself and then attempt to become a diploma engineer. He says “When I get enough money to sustain myself I will surely study to become an engineer in life!”

Second story to share is that of Ramashankar. With a B.Com degree in hand Ramashankar is currently pursuing his management course. He has the responsibility to support his family. Lack of financial stability compels him to earn money simultaneously along with his education. He lost his father when he was a small kid and has been into some or the other kind of occupation since those days. What distinguishes him from others is the fact that he is also working as a waiter in one of the hotels in Chhattisgarh. He’s highly inspired by Amitabh Bachchan and refuses to accept tip from his customer’s who visit the restaurant, a la Vijay in the bollywood movie “Deewar”, ‘fenke hue paise mai aaj bhi nahi leta’ ( I do not accept the fee amount,  if a person throws maney towards me ). In his words, “My only challenge is the situation when I have to serve food to my colleagues as a waiter in the restaurant. However I have no complaints, my duty is to make every situation in my stride!”

Third story is of a blind girl. She lives in one of the blind girls hostel in the city. I was exhilarated to know that this girl was pursuing her Masters in Arts. It had been a tough journey for her to reach this stage in her academic career and this was not the end of road for her. She visited us at the career guidance fare to know about the future prospects of career growth for her. Her blindness, so far, has never interfered in her aspirations. The girl says she is happy in her life and her face radiates the pleasantness. Meeting her reminds me of the miraculous achievements of Helen Keller, in her words :

They took away what should have been my eyes    
(But I remembered Milton’s Paradise).

They took away what should have been my ears,    
(Beethoven came and wiped away my tears).

They took away what should have been my tongue,            
            (But I had talked with God when I was young).

He would not let them take away my soul –  
Possessing that, I still possess the whole.

Friends there are many such children around us who have demonstrated extraordinary courage and commitment in order to make life worth living. These are the hero’s who have defeated deprivation. Such children are surely the brand ambassadors of strength and will power. My salute to them.

LESSONS FOR EXCELLENCE :

  • Success and Failure have no direct relation with ones financial background.
  • Winners focus on the possibilities and not on the limitations.
  • Champion is determined by dreams, not excuses.
  • If you choose to stay motivated in life, one morning you will get up happier.
  • If you have the necessary will, you will surely find the rightful way.

(PS. I have changed the names of children in the stories to respect their individuality)

Ajit Varwandkar

Feedback : md@fsindia.in

Failure should never be over analysed October 15, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Management, Motivation.
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Failure should never be over analysed

Deepansh has been known to be a very good student and all through he achieved A+ grades in his academics. Kinder garden till date he never scored less than 90% marks in any school examination. The recent board examination results however had a different story to tell. Deepansh had slid to B+ grade and percentage of marks obtained went as low as 68%. “There is something really wrong with his health and memory, we should consult a physician”, said his father. “I guess he has a serious emotional issue disturbing him, we should also get an appointment with a psychologist”. His parent’s met the doctor, the counselor, the school teachers, the principal and a few of his friends to know more about “what is going wrong with Deepansh”. Psychologist had certain revelations and the doctor had his prescription. There were rounds of discussions at home on the subject of Deepansh’s failure. It was as if his failure had become a national family issue. All relatives & members of family were trying to speak to Deepansh and counsel him. More study material, better books, exhaustive coaching, nutritious health supplements, focused parental attention, extended study hours etc were the revised interventions in Deepansh’s life.

The result : In the subsequent evaluation his result drooped down to 60%!

Question here is ‘what went wrong’?

…………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

 

• Your imaginations should be used to lead you to victory and not dump you into failures.

Feedback : Ajit Varwandkar

Email : md@fsindia.in

Time Management is not the key to success July 23, 2011

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Yes, I repeat the title: Time management is not the key to success. I would go ahead and request you also to repeat it with me once again : Time management is not the key to success! I am sure this is something you never heard of before. There is so much of pollution on the subject of “time management” in the world of self-help guidance & trainings. Google it and you will find that content worth lacs of pages is available on time management. Every next book in the management shelf refers to time management on some page. Leading management gurus conduct workshops and seminars on the concept of time management. With so much of a recognition to time management I still dare to demand: time management is not the key to success.

There is an ancient proverb which says : “Inch of time can not be bought with an inch of gold.” 

…………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

 

Time does not discriminate between living things.  Even the president of a country gets the same quantum of 24 hours which every other citizen gets!

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in

Quench your thirst or cut your throat? July 9, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Children n Students, parenting.
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Can you be the friend of your enemy? Think twice? It’s a request – read this question thrice & then answer: is it possible for you to be the friend of your enemy? In most probability you would reply in “a big NO”. It’s comprehensible, how can one befriend an enemy? This is sure shot impossible. Going further here is one more question “When did we first learn about friends and foes in life?” Was it at school or at home or while playing with friends on the playground?

…………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in

Listen 420 words per minute! July 4, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Inspirational Story, Management.
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Recently I visited a school and read a quote which was written on the notice board in one of the class room. The quote says “Listening attentively is a silent flattery” Wow, what a wonderful thought it is and how powerful is this tool of listening!

There goes a story by Ed Brodow when he went to a bar in France and ordered for beer.  I want beer in a bottle, he ordered. Beer in a bottle was a old story for that country and hence the waitress was a bit surprised to find someone asking for it. She said, “Sir In-a-can”? He replied No, “In a bottle”. To this she again replied “Sure sir, In-a-can?” By now this gentleman was losing his gentleness. He mustered all his patience and said bring me in-a-can but please bring something for me fast. Within moments the lady brought beer “in a bottle” for this gentleman! Seeing the “Henican” brand of beer the gentleman understood the story right. In fact the waitress was asking him if he would want to have Henican brand of beer. Since “Henican” and “In-a-can” were rhyming words, he got confused. This is true for most of us, we rarely listen to what is being told we listen what resonates with our biased mindset.

…………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

 

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in

Papa – are you happy today? June 18, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, parenting.
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One particular day my daughter gifted me a greeting card and demanded a party as a return gift. That’s when I came to know that the day was special for me – it was “father’s day”. Well friends, I confess that I felt a bit pampered as a father. It gave me an opportunity to meditate on my role in this universe as a father and I endorsed this to my kids. I realized that these kind of days viz. father’s day, mother’s day etc. would have been coined by someone who had a vision and realized in advance that man will be required to be reminded regularly about various vital elements of social life, which he tends to forget in the process of observing the vagaries of routine life.

An acquaintance of mine used to spend 15 – 18 hours a day at work. He never knew about the happiness or sorrows of his kids. He did not know the school timing of his children leave apart the problems faced by children at school. Whatever best the moderately educated mother could do to bring up her kids was the only parental contribution made. Father’s role was limited to arranging money for school fee and administrative expenses.  A year back when recession hit the industry, that father lost his job. That’s when he realized that he has a beautiful relationship at home as a father which he never en-cashed! Such an opportunity lost can never be compensated because children ALSO grow up with time!

We lead life as if it is a marathon race. Take a review of it and you will find that each one of us is running. When we run, we forget about everything else. A player when running on the 400 hundred meter track cannot think about his laundry bill! He has to think nothing and just run his way. This is what happens to us in life.  We keep running, sometimes aimlessly on the track or off the track. In the professional world most of the father’s play the role of a boss or a subordinate or a client or a consultant. Workaholic father’s kill their family time at workplace.  They get so much engrossed in their daily chores of activities and professional projects that they forget about their role as a father. The father always compromises & the professional always wins. This fact is hard to realize but many friends have confessed that even when they are playing with their children at home or putting them to bed ( if at all they do so) what runs over in their minds is not the happiness of being with the kids but something else related to work.

Once I saw a shopkeeper who was selling school accessories like school bags, water bottle, Tiffin box etc. There was a lot of crowd in his shop. While the children were clamoring on him to get the items of their choice their mother’s were ruthlessly busy bargaining for their purchase. In spite of all the brouhaha this gentleman shopkeeper was very cool and smiling. I could not resist asking him the secret behind his patience and peace. He said, “Sir when we start from home, every morning we keep a ice cube on our head. We know we need to maintain compose to do business.” I asked, what happens when he calls it a day at night? Shopkeeper “ “The ice melts and I vent it off on my family members!”

Father’s brash behavior at home makes things worse, children learn to make out easily how desperate their daddy is! While the kid is desperate to spend time with the father, the professional is only passionate about his work!  A project which did not take off at work will always mean dooms day at home. The five year old boy who desperately wants to see his dad happy at homes easily makes out that his daddy is miserable. When dad is back home all are supposed to be disciplined and silent as if a dictator has started his parade! Dad earns a forced respect but love depreciates. Communication stops and silence starts entering the family atmosphere. The small girl learns the lesson “father never smiles”!

A story goes round the internet where a child asks his father as to how much money he makes an hour, The father was busy with certain phone call and replies his son just to get rid of him. He says, Rs. 200/- only. After some time the son comes and asks, dad can you lend me rupees 75/-? Again to avoid the child’s disturbance the father throws a hundred rupee note at him. After some time the kid comes back to the father with Rs. 200/- in his hand now.  Seeing him back and this time along with money, the father lost his temper and screamed at the importunate child. “If you had all this money with you, why the hell have you been disturbing me for the last 15 minutes?” The kid had tears in his eyes which he tried to hide somehow, silently handed over a small envelop to his father and ran away.

Father opened the envelop only to find a letter and Rs.200/- in that envelop. The letter said :”My dear loving Dad, Here is Rs. 200/- for you. Can you please spend one hour with me today at dinner?”

The realization creeps in and hurts the busy father. You spend 365 days fulfilling your ambitions and business or work responsibilities. You take loans and build mansions. You spend your days in arranging money to pay back the debt. Commitments & promises at work steal away the precious loved ones from you. And one day you realize you are really missing the real pleasures in life. You did learn to architecture a house not necessarily a home.

I request all father’s to make amendments in their priorities of life. Compel yourself to have a few hours with your family. Re-organise your priorities or else I can honestly tell “at the end of the day you will not be happy dad!”

 Lessons for Excellence :

  1. We celebrate various kinds of days like father’s day, women’s day etc. The gist of having such days to celebrate is to remind us about our social and family responsibilities.
  2. Do not just add work days to your life, try adding life to your days!
  3. The best part of future is that it comes one day at a time, try to live each day, one day at a time.
  4. Happy fatherhood is not about provisioning for school fee or birthday party, but about spending quality time with kids.
  5. Time flies and takes away the childhood of your children, better relish it before it is too late.

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in