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Parents – be your child’s first career coach December 12, 2011

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Parents – be your child’s first career coach

My last week’s blog post “If your child is at the career cross road” evoked a sweet and sour response. I got many calls from readers telling why they intended to debate on some of the parenting views referred by me. Most of the responses came from the rich and the able. One gentleman said it’s about giving the best academic amenities to the child. One doctor opined that in today’s era parent’s cannot track the likes and personality of their child.  One PSU employee could not digest my statement that “excess concern about child’s career borders paranoia”. A school teacher called me to thank for the write-up, she suggested me to elaborate on the subject and hence this sequel.

For those who might have missed the last week’s write-up I recapitulate the essence.

When at career crossroads, a child is in an very sensitive stage of evolution because career decisions bear a significant impact on one’s life. Children ought to select the career which they are desperate for and not the one which gratifies parents unfulfilled ambitious. However in the process of guiding the child parents should ensure that they guard her individuality & self esteem. Irrelevant tinkering into their space will only display a lack of trust and surely backfire. Too much involvement as well as too less involvement in child’s career building process is harmful. Parents must play the role of a light house & a guide post. The light which they show should enable the child to take a career leap and also warn when there is danger.  The student should be encouraged to take informed career decisions for a prosperous future.

 

Parents are child’s first career coach and there are certain basic fundamental rules which a parent must adhere while career mentoring the child. The messages which a parent delivers can impact the educational and career choices of the student significantly. As per one survey, almost 80% of  high school students stated that they look upon to their parents when it comes to career selection guidance. Children are very smart at observation and they learn a lot from the work behavior of their parents and other adult role models.

 

Children who are particularly gifted & super talented present unique set of challenges. We come across parent’s who boast of their child being much advanced in terms of technology. The frequently orated sentence by parents is: “My son is so smart, give him the latest model of mobile handset and he will not take more than a few minutes to explore all the features and apps tucked into it.” This brings a pseudo sense of overconfidence into the parents. Career selection is different to dissection of a technical device. It is important for parent’s to understand that their children might sound hi-tech & advanced but when it comes to career decisions, they might fail to take mature steps.

 

Parental involvement should neither be too high nor too low.  Appropriate and inappropriate levels of involvement can either help or hinder the childs career takeoff. A balanced intervention can deliver positive attitude in the student which in turn will ensure better grades and effective decision-making skills.  Decisions related to career swing around the fulcrum of family idiosyncrasies and students personality. In situations of dilemma, some parents offer unconditional support to whatever career choice the ward might opt for.  This happens to be a well intentioned but a mal functioning strategy most of the time.  A child  might be capable of doing many type of jobs but in case she enters into a world irrelevant to her personality, there could be sinister consequences.   Ideally at every such stage parent should offer two or three well researched choices and then leave it up to the ward to identify the most suitable out of those.

 

The key to a successful career is being happy and fulfilled at the end of the day. This can be achieved when there is a proper match between child’s interests, values, skills and abilities with the professional demands of chosen career. Being potentially influential in the career development process of their children, parents should know to explore and use career information properly. They should take interest to identify the potentials and abilities in their children and bridge it appropriately.

 

Lessons for Excellence :

 

  • Always share closed ended solutions with your child, never leave them wondering in the wild when it comes to career decisions.
  • Parents should encourage their children to day-dream more and more about their fancied job and develop an inventory of career dreams.
  • Never forget to ask your child to have fun, in the zest to get a perfect student out of their child most of the parents forget the sports needs of their children.
  • A successful parents is open to learn new things and accept the everchanging career scope around.
  • Be open to discussions with your child, even if he has an eccentric career choice!

 

Ajit Varwandkar

 

Feedback : md@fsindia.in

If your child is at the career cross road December 3, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, career guidance and counselling.
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If your child is at the career cross road

Recently I attended a marriage reception. These wedding parties sometimes give you the feel of getting stranded at a fuel station. You have to stand in the long queue near the stage and wait for your turn to greet the newlywed couple!  It was 9.00 pm in the late evening and I was somehow killing time in the queue. I was anxious to dispose-off the bouquet at the earliest.

I realized someone was throwing a smile at me. It was the parent of one of the school student who had once upon a time appeared for a career guidance & counseling session with me in my office. On that very spot, standing in the queue, the concerned parents threw rapid fire round of questions at me. Sir, I want to see my daughter as an engineer, can you tell us which all colleges outside our state should we target? How should she be preparing for the examinations? Some study tips from you will really be helpful for my daughter to excel in her career, so on and so forth…..

I could see the agony in the eyes of the child. After a while I could even register a sense of embarrassment on the face of the kid. Definitely she did not want to be bothered on career selection and study tips while in the party. Any child will not like this. Parent of this student were a bit too concerned about her career. Excess concern borders paranoia. 

Many parents complain about their child’s education & career consciousness in multiple variants. A few shared here: “My child does not share his interests with me.”, “I am ready to help him but he is never keen to take our support.”, “The child is introvert at home and extrovert in school.”, “He is so stubborn when it comes to career selection and does not give us a damn.”.  

If your child is at a career crossroad she is at a very sensitive career stage. It is really rightful for the parent to be bothered about their ward’s career. It is also of utmost importance to respect the child’s individuality and give her space. I have observed that in the process of imparting right career directions to their children many parents intrude into their creativity and independence. Such attempts either miss fires or worst back fires. Such illegitimate intrusions are harmful not just for the child and the parent but also for the society.

Too much involvement in child’s career building process is equally harmful as too less involvement is. Some parents make an open offer to their children. They say, “Go ahead and do whatever you want to, we will support you”.  This decision to respect the child’s decision is really good but not really fruitful. It is the moral responsibility of the parent to first suggest a few career options and then ask the child to make a career choice. It is vital to note at this stage that before making any suggestion, child should be thoroughly accessed on interest, aptitude and abilities. Careers matching with these parameters should then be suggested to the child. If required support of professional counselors should necessarily be sought.

As per one survey an average student in India spends not more than 4 hours throughout the school life planning for life’s career decisions. Majority of the students are simply not aware of the various career options available in the society!   On the contrary they spend more than 20 hours on selecting the bike / scooty and about 50 hours selecting a house.

Career decision has a big significance in one’s life. Students should be encouraged to think on the following questions while they are crossing the middle school : “What should I do in my life?”, “what is my career inspiration”,  “what are my most liked and most disliked career streams”, “How & when should I plan my career?” When the student starts addressing these questions, we can be sure that she has started climbing the ladder of career success.

I believe that every single student has the potential to become successful in life. Parents should play the role of a light house & a guide post. They should shower enough light for the child to take a leap and also warn when there is danger.  Their support & guidance should enable the student to take informed career decisions & prepare well for future.

LESSONS FOR EXCELLENCE :

  • Failing to plan for child’s career is nothing but planning to see your child fail in her career.
  • In the process of guiding your child please ensure that you guard her self esteem. Irrelevant tinkering into her aspiration will only make her restless, insecure and insincere.
  • It is important for the parent to be self aware about career choices and be confidant about happenings in life, only then the child will inculcate these attributes.
  • Over indulgence by parent into child’s choices might display lack of trust. Beware.
  • Law of career success states that the child should select the career which she is desperate for and not the one which her parents were ambitious for at some point of time.

 

By : Ajit Varwandkar

Feedback : md@fsindia.in

Passion is the hinge on the door to success November 19, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in Inspirational Story, Motivation.
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Passion is the hinge on the door to success

If there was a doctor to write a prescription for success, the top on the list would be a strong dose of passion, to be taken lifelong! Passon is the key which unlocks the door to success. Those who had enough passion to defeat difficulties, made it real big in life. Those who did not believe in the word passion, surfaced but subsided eventually like a wave! Lessons from successful entrepreneurs and professionals help us to reinforce our belief on these universally established concepts. Presenting some inputs from the lives of the following three personalities Nasiruddin Shah, Sanjeev Bhikchandani and A M Naik.

In a radio interview Nasiruddin Shah, the famous film actor, shared about his journey to success. …………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

 

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : md@fsindia.in

These children are brand ambassadors of strength November 12, 2011

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These children are brand ambassadors of strength

Our state Chhattisgarh celebrated its eleventh state formation day by organizing a state level fest in Raipur called Rajyotsav-2011. In between 1st Nov’2011 and  5th Nov’2011 people from all across the state gathered in huge numbers to this expo. It was an influx of almost one lack footfalls each day.

Luck struck fair for me and I got to make my presence usefully registered on this occasion. Higher Education Department of the State Government of Chhattisgarh organized a unique reality show named as “Nano Career Guidance- ON THE SPOT”. I was given the responsibility to counsel students and extend guidance in this show. In the course of these five days more than 600 students visited us. Apparently the students who visited had an inconspicuous personality but still each one of them carried a unique history. When I spoke to the students at length I understood more about life. Some students had some characteristics so special about them that one could draw a heavy dose of inspiration out if it. I present here the real life stories of a few such students.

The first story is of Dhanesh Sahu who belongs to a small village near Raigarh. He scored 87% marks in class XIIth examination. His father is a cycle rickshaw puller and mother works as a house maid. He has two sisters. Father is a drunkard and has articulated a hell in their daily life out of his bad habit. Dhanesh had appeared for pre engineering entrance and qualified to join a reputed engineering college. However he consciously decided not to take admission into engineering because his financial & family situations did not support his education. He knows he will not have enough time and money to get an engineering degree from a full-time course college.

The most appreciable part of Dhanesh’s story is that his dream & desire to become an engineer is intact with him in spite of acute constraints in life. According to him “lack of motivation” is the first commuter which starts running along with an individual as soon as he steps on the lane of problems in life. Always stand directly under the “sun rays of motivation” so that the “shadow of second thoughts” is never seen. He has already acquired the qualification of ITI and has started working with an engineering organization as a machinist. I will work for two years, earn some money for myself and then attempt to become a diploma engineer. He says “When I get enough money to sustain myself I will surely study to become an engineer in life!”

Second story to share is that of Ramashankar. With a B.Com degree in hand Ramashankar is currently pursuing his management course. He has the responsibility to support his family. Lack of financial stability compels him to earn money simultaneously along with his education. He lost his father when he was a small kid and has been into some or the other kind of occupation since those days. What distinguishes him from others is the fact that he is also working as a waiter in one of the hotels in Chhattisgarh. He’s highly inspired by Amitabh Bachchan and refuses to accept tip from his customer’s who visit the restaurant, a la Vijay in the bollywood movie “Deewar”, ‘fenke hue paise mai aaj bhi nahi leta’ ( I do not accept the fee amount,  if a person throws maney towards me ). In his words, “My only challenge is the situation when I have to serve food to my colleagues as a waiter in the restaurant. However I have no complaints, my duty is to make every situation in my stride!”

Third story is of a blind girl. She lives in one of the blind girls hostel in the city. I was exhilarated to know that this girl was pursuing her Masters in Arts. It had been a tough journey for her to reach this stage in her academic career and this was not the end of road for her. She visited us at the career guidance fare to know about the future prospects of career growth for her. Her blindness, so far, has never interfered in her aspirations. The girl says she is happy in her life and her face radiates the pleasantness. Meeting her reminds me of the miraculous achievements of Helen Keller, in her words :

They took away what should have been my eyes    
(But I remembered Milton’s Paradise).

They took away what should have been my ears,    
(Beethoven came and wiped away my tears).

They took away what should have been my tongue,            
            (But I had talked with God when I was young).

He would not let them take away my soul –  
Possessing that, I still possess the whole.

Friends there are many such children around us who have demonstrated extraordinary courage and commitment in order to make life worth living. These are the hero’s who have defeated deprivation. Such children are surely the brand ambassadors of strength and will power. My salute to them.

LESSONS FOR EXCELLENCE :

  • Success and Failure have no direct relation with ones financial background.
  • Winners focus on the possibilities and not on the limitations.
  • Champion is determined by dreams, not excuses.
  • If you choose to stay motivated in life, one morning you will get up happier.
  • If you have the necessary will, you will surely find the rightful way.

(PS. I have changed the names of children in the stories to respect their individuality)

Ajit Varwandkar

Feedback : md@fsindia.in

Birth of an Unemployable Engineer July 16, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in career guidance and counselling, Children n Students.
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Admission session is back on cards. Various academic institutes across India are into the refilling mode. Recently we had the news from Shri Ram College of Commerce, New Delhi about the mind shattering 100% cut-off marks for admission. The demand supply imbalance of seats versus prospective students has surfaced yet again. Engineering has traditionally been the most preferred & “rest assured” choice of professional career for students and parent’s alike. Getting an Engineering degree is like a dream achieved. However the story post engineering is not all that encouraging these days. We have seen a large mass of unemployed engineering students struggling hard, unsuccessfully, to get into employment.

Time and again we get to see those enticing advertisements from various colleges imparting professional education. We also come to understand that India is on the path of exponential industrial growth & that industry would be requiring thousands and lacks of qualified manpower in years to come. A very important question which one thinks of is “In spite of seemingly win-win scenario for students and industry both, why is there a situation where thousands of unemployed engineers flock on the roads every year? There has to be some remarkably important phenomenon responsible to catalyze this situation. To my understanding the main reason behind this situation is that some of the institutions are giving birth to unemployable engineers. The obvious blame flame targets the mushrooming of engineering institutes, short sighted policies, lack of vision etc. On the contrary I think there is one more factor responsible for this imbalance. You would agree with me that it is the input which justifies the output. We need to take a serious look into the kind of students intake today’s institutes of excellence are forced to acquire. A few of real life experiences will elucidate my views in the next paragraph.

A parent visited us last week and wanted career counseling for their child. Father is a reputed builder and desperately wanted his son to join his business. Sir please guide my son to become a Civil Engineer. It was a close ended request. Father had not given any alternates to his son. On the first place I had doubts if the young lad even had an aptitude for engineering, leave aside civil engineering. The kid confessed, he wanted to become a stage artist. In spite of all the guidance and counseling efforts, the psychometric assessments et al, I know the boy will have to digest the qualification of Civil Engineering.

In yet another real life experience a girl child spoils her career because her parent’s are too liberal. They not only assured her to give her the financial support to visit a career counselor and get the most professional advise but also to arrange for the best education infrastructure for her. “Do what you want to & we shall support you financially” goes their words. The girl got all the more confused. All choices and no signboards from parent! Which way should I go?

Choices are the hinges of destiny, said Pythagorus. Surely so and very true also. More so when one is on cross roads of career and the decision taken today will decide the direction of the future life. With thousands and lacs of engineering seats available in India getting admission to an Engineering College is not much an issue. Any institute is as good or as bad as its faculty, campus placements and students provided the Institute is statutorily accredited and recognized.

Friends, students & parents let me share a secret with you. “Just like all medicines are helpful to cure some or the other illness but this happens only when the doctor reads the symptoms rightly and prescribe the right medicine, likewise all Engineering Branches lead to success – what is required is to have the right match.” To select the right branch is a very serious decision. This shall define the course of your career. In the process of making this decision students get strongly influenced by parents, peers and people in general. The opinion of every person you meet contributes in creating thought ripples. In the field of engineering there are immense opportunities for those with the right attitude, skills. The need is to choose the right branch as per the interest and aptitude parameter of ones personality. Opportunities will definitely follow those students who select the right academic slot for themselves. Even in times of recent recession, exciting opportunities were available for technically qualified & EMPLOYABLE manpower.

Making a BRANCH SELECTION is all the more tough when the choices are more. Before taking the right decision students should necessarily meet and discuss with at least two on job working engineers from every stream of engineering and get their opinions about the particular branch. Selecting a branch of engineering also depends on the students career planning. It is must that students should be able to evaluate their inherent personality traits and match it against those which may be the mandatory determinants for any particular branch of engineering. Not all branches of engineering may be suitable to every student. For example if you have a extremely introvert personality and you desire to become a civil engineer or get into construction activities in your life, it may not be really the right decision for you since civil engineering on field ( mostly) requires the traits of extrovert personality.

Every engineering field has its own set of challenges and opportunities. The student should first logically establish the best preferred stream of engineering by getting a. professional psychometric consultation. Having established the best branches the student should introspect and reflect about his/ her aptitude, interest and personality, the strength areas and match it with the career goal.  A lot of material is available on the internet which can be surfed to get a glimpse into the engineering branch selection subject. Its however wise & fruitful to consult seniors in the industry, teachers & placement managers, counselors & education coaches before jumping on to the final decision.

LESSONS FOR EXCELLENCE :

1. All branches of engineering have the potential to deliver a great future to the student.

2. More than selection of the institute it is the selection of the right branch which is more critical.

3. Before finalizing on any institute a student should necessarily be satisfied with the institutes accreditation status. You have all the rights to ask for these details.

4. Understand & analyse your aptitude, interest & skills and use this report to select the right branch of engineering.

5. It pays to discuss with senior / just pass-out students & relevant working professionals in the industry to get more insight about the institute and the various streams of education in engineering.

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in

“Plan for the BEST but be READY for the unexpected” June 6, 2011

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My father has always admonished me to “hope for the best but be prepared for the worst”. I have been brought up in an environment which always inspired me to look at life in a very positive manner. I strongly felt that “accepting the worst” did defy the learning to be positive and motivated. I have been taught to lead a motivated life and also always believe in oneself. With this back ground it was very difficult for me to accept the readiness for facing the worst! However over a period of learning from life in the previous two decade, I understood the absolute truth in the concept – “to be prepared for the worst”. I have now added value to this proverb and revised it as “Plan for the BEST but be READY for the UNEXPECTED”.  Two inherent changes that I have adopted in coining the NEW proverb are : 1. Not just hope, do plan and 2. Its not the Worst, Its just the Unexpected!

…………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

 

In the fast changing situations across the world, one can never permanently be in the “safe zone of success”, be ready to embrace & adopt the change.

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in

4,90,000 parent’s failed in IIT ! May 28, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in career guidance and counselling, Children n Students, National Issues, parenting.
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4,90,000 parent’s failed in IIT !

“Sir, my son is average in studies, he is not an extra ordinary student. Can you please help us suggest him the right career?” Working as a career counselor we come across such statements from accompanying parent’s more often than less. It is really heartening to see parents de-motivating their ward when it is their responsibility to be the source of inspiration for them. Most of the times this happens unintentionally but it surely devaluates the self esteem of the child.

IIT Jee results are out. Almost five lac students participated in this engineering race and less than ten thousand students qualified to get admission into India’s best engineering institutes. As per statistics out of every 200 student only 1 got to enter the prestigious institutes! By all means this is a very tough competition. I read in newspaper that son of a vegetable vendor qualified for IIT Jee in Chhattisgarh. In Bangalore a student who works part time as a bartender in a wine shop got through in the examination. These are those special cases where the hard work and preparation got an opportunity to meet success.

Almost every school in India had a list of few students qualifying in the tests. For the school authorities and management the success of their students in similar examinations becomes a matter of pride and fuel for their growth & prosperity in future. Appreciation goes only to those who get the winning certificate. Students who qualify in the entrance examination get a lot of accolades. It’s like a festival of congratulations where the whole world wants to hug the winners. The school teachers, the coaching institutes, parents, friends and seniors – all clamor around the winners to claim their share of the credit in making the student a success. Banners, Posters and Media play a prominent role in glamorizing the success of these successful students. 

I sit back to think about the state of mind of the majority.  When the demand supply is lopsided & there is a rush to get the best, majority never wins. In any such competitive examination the majority lies with those who could not cross the barrier. What about the balance nine lakh ninety thousand students? Are they good for nothing? Are they not worth making a great career for themselves? Had there been 1000 more seats available in the education system, may be those borderline thousand students would also have got an opportunity to celebrate success.  Tragedy happens when many parent’s forget that these examinations are just a means of eliminating applicants in order to offer admission to selected students in their institutes. Parent’s forget the fact that these examinations are not to identify how dumb or how intelligent their ward is.

Father of a meritorious student informed me that his daughter did not qualify for JEE. This was a rude shock for the school, the teacher & for the friends. While the father was demonstrating absolute cool de-mean-our I could see dejection on the face of the kid. Sometimes there are no answers to questions in life. May be the child did not fill up the answer sheet properly, may be the answer sheet got mixed up, maybe she did not write the roll number correctly or maybe she did not understand the negative marking pattern of the examinations. Something surely went wrong somewhere.  It was time for the family and friends to accept the result and move ahead. What the father further said was heart stimulating “There is nothing to be shocked about failures in life. I do not take this as a heart break. My daughter has many other options for success and we are going party today!”  I recalled the proverb “Failure is nothing but a delayed success!”

Not all children are lucky to have so considerate & thoughtful parent.  It is the responsibility of biological parents to evolve into matured parent. Examinations like IIT JEE or any other engineering / medical examinations actually put the parent of contesting students to test. It is their natural anxiety to ensure that they want their ward to get the best. Many parent sacrifice their happiness and wealth to ensure that the child gets the best academic infrastructure.  I know of a father who sold of his only property to get his son educated at one of the best coaching institute in Rajasthan last season. In spite of his inputs his son did not qualify. As a result the whole family got mentally derailed and went into psychological disorder.  There are many such examples in the country. Out of the 4,90,000 families of students who did not qualify for IIT JEE this year, I am sure majority won’t be prepared to take the negative results. Dejections in life should as well be taken with dignity. Rejection does not mean the end of life, it only means there is an area of improvement.

Recently in a leading national daily there was a news item which said that a few students from IIM Ahemdabad and Bangalore were asked to tell what part of their childhood they would like to change given they had such an opportunity. A few students cried and said they wanted to become something else in their career and definitely not a management graduate! Their parent’s coerced them into the management education! One family came to us for guidance & psychometric career assessment. They were taken aback & broken down when we informed that their child has an aptitude into fine arts. Engineering or medical might not be the most apt career for the kid. The father was a senior PSU officer and desperately wanted to father an engineering student. Reason being he missed the engineering race in his career trajectory. In most of the family’s parent inflict their children with their unfulfilled career desires. A father – mother combine can become the best counselor for the child. They should properly access the strength areas of the child and direct the child into similar directions.

My dear parent’s, it’s not your children alone who face the examinations, it is you who have to actually pass or fail. It’s time to take responsibility and show reasonable upbringing ability at home.  It is vital for today’s parent to create the right atmosphere at home. It is their responsibility to prepare children to take on the challenges & examinations in life. Majority of the parent’s will have to learn to hold their anxiety and control their emotions. Do not just scold your child for his / her not performing upto expectations. Show them the varied options for the future and appraise them on the opportunities for improvement. If you feel you are not really competent to do this, hire professional services but please do not mess up with the mindset of your child. Believe me your kid takes your words very seriously. Your words can make him / her a leader or a laggard. In private or in public, always use positive adjectives for your children. You may not see immediate results of positive affirmations but negative words will surely kill the motivation instantly.

Lessons for Excellence :

  1. Results of any academic examination should never be treated as the ultimate result. The menu card in the restaurant of Life will have much more to offer beyond these results!
  2. Children should always have fallback options in place. If career plan A does not work, Plan B might! In-fact one should have a career plan C also in place.   
  3. Parent’s please note: your words and actions are being watched by your children. Please demonstrate absolute maturity when addressing the child’s performance ( or non performance ) in public or at home.
  4. Parent’s – never push your unfulfilled career aspirations down the throat of your child. Let her personality evolve in tune with her strengths.
  5. Finally, if the child fails in any examination   - he/she should not be blamed alone for it. Parent, School & society should take the collective responsibility.

 

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in

DIE first, FLY Next March 15, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Inspirational Story, Management.
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Two friends when they passed by a mansion in the city, one of them remarked “the owner of this bungalow was once an ordinary man. He used to be our next door neighbor in the old city. Now luck has been benevolent and this fellow has become a millionaire!” One comes across such observations quiet very often in life. I strongly believe that it is not just luck which determines why people achieve glory and success in life, there must be some foolproof force steering them.

…………………..  Complete write-up in my forthcoming book…. for announcement on the book title and launch, pl keep visiting www.aglakadam.com  ……………………………………… 

What you do today determines how you live tomorrow.

 

 Ajit Varwandkar
Contact : info@fsindia.in

Papa Don’t Preach February 19, 2011

Posted by aglakadam in aglakadam, Children n Students, parenting.
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If there was a stress barometer to read family stress, the mercury would have shot up very high these days because a lot of examination borne stress is showing in families. Where there are children, there ought to be schools and where there are schools, examinations are must! Come March – April and most of the schools in India shall be conducting the final / yearly evaluation examinations.

Most of the students are worried about the exams. They go through phases of sleepless nights or peace less sleep. They don’t feel like eating well and constantly keep feeling irritable. Irony is that their parent as well experiences almost similar symptoms. To add to the impact they are emotionally stressed too! Students are worried because they have to “face” the examinations and their parents are bothered about their performance.

Students are the only ones who actually are aware on their level of preparations for the examinations. Some students may have well prepared and would be in the final lap of revision while many others would not be so lucky! But the common factor for both the category of students, those who are prepared for examinations and those not prepared for exams, is that “stress” attacks all of them!

These are the days when students spend most of the time at home preparing for their next test. Parents are not far behind, I have seen many parents take leave from their office and sit along with their children while he/she is studying. Some of the parents care too much for their children and continuously keep following it up with them for completion of course curriculum. Some such parent even extend support to their children in finishing up with their subject practical’s or assignments. Parents would getup early morning along with the children to help them in studies and won’t part till they see off them the into the examination hall!

While examination season is actually the time when the kid requires absolutely stress free atmosphere, the over indulgence of parent sometimes makes the situation further complicated. The parent has all good intentions to support their children but generally what evolves out of their sudden involvement is additional stress and irritation to the children.
“All study and no play makes Jack a dull guy” – we tend to forget this knowingly. While the examination days when the student needs to concentrates better on the learning process they are not allowed to play or turn on the music. In the guise of studies there is an atmosphere of gloom & panic at home. Students are not exposed to such restrictions, extra attention and it finally distracts them.

Competition is tough and peer pressure is already very high for the student; under such situation the otherwise dormant parent makes a mistake to suddenly start over discussing the syllabus with their children. Parent does not realize that their emotional outburst invariably affect their children directly. The child is not really prepared to take on the fresh set of expectations. With so much of hi definition emotions & complex stress at home, every individual in the house needs to support the examinee by taking proper care of his or her own emotions on their own. Child’s emotional need should be allocated the highest priority and parents should not allow their emotional state to disturb their child’s routine. When a parent gets into the trap of emotional examination stress, the child is likely to experience one or more of the following symptoms: disappointment & lack of confidence, apathy to study & appear for examinations, unable to learn because of memory lapse, heath disorders like headache, fever, irritable bowl, nervousness & temptation to end life etc.

Parents I suggest you to please relax & not over react at this juncture when the student is on the verge of examinations. Behave very normal and let the child follow the normal course of his day routine. Be like a genie & a guide post for your student. My prescription is be affectionate and never make the child uncomfortable with over-attention. A dose of zappi ( hug ) an hour would work wonders.

As the final countdown for the examinations starts for the students here are a few more suggestions for the parents to de-stress their children :
• Try to have least one meal with the family and spend some light moments with children.
• If the student does not perform well in one test allow him to forget about it and plan for the next paper. Ruminating over the failure is never fruitful.
• Apart from examinations, discuss about other interests and hobbies of your child. This will help him / her to relax.
• Do not set fresh examination rules for your child, examination timetable should be made well in advance. “Revision timetable” should be decided only by the student. However the parent could always assist the child in coming up with a routine, if the child so desires.
• Take care of the child’s nutrition & health.
• Sometimes children are not able to cope up with their social network (friends and internet sites), you can help the student to shield these pressures.
• Be a good listener, never react without understanding the complete story from your child. It may just be that the child is reacting out of some situation but actually addressing a different stress.
• Motivate the child, he/she may not show but could be disheartened within. Help your child with positive thoughts.
• Last but not the least, Parent should consult a counselor if the child is experiencing alarming stress or behaving abnormally.

Parenting is a very responsible art. Parenting decision should be made in mutual consultation by mother and father. As a parent you are best positioned to understand the aptitude and ability of your child. Accordingly ensure that the child goes through the process of examination freely and smoothly. My dear parents, do not just preach but also teach your child to be positive about examinations because this exam is not the end of the journey. Life is much more beyond these examinations.

Ajit Varwandkar
http://www.aglakadam.com
Email : info@fsindia.in

Examination Period Alerts March 4, 2010

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