my aglakadam

Papa – are you happy today? June 18, 2011

One particular day my daughter gifted me a greeting card and demanded a party as a return gift. That’s when I came to know that the day was special for me – it was “father’s day”. Well friends, I confess that I felt a bit pampered as a father. It gave me an opportunity to meditate on my role in this universe as a father and I endorsed this to my kids. I realized that these kind of days viz. father’s day, mother’s day etc. would have been coined by someone who had a vision and realized in advance that man will be required to be reminded regularly about various vital elements of social life, which he tends to forget in the process of observing the vagaries of routine life.

An acquaintance of mine used to spend 15 – 18 hours a day at work. He never knew about the happiness or sorrows of his kids. He did not know the school timing of his children leave apart the problems faced by children at school. Whatever best the moderately educated mother could do to bring up her kids was the only parental contribution made. Father’s role was limited to arranging money for school fee and administrative expenses.  A year back when recession hit the industry, that father lost his job. That’s when he realized that he has a beautiful relationship at home as a father which he never en-cashed! Such an opportunity lost can never be compensated because children ALSO grow up with time!

We lead life as if it is a marathon race. Take a review of it and you will find that each one of us is running. When we run, we forget about everything else. A player when running on the 400 hundred meter track cannot think about his laundry bill! He has to think nothing and just run his way. This is what happens to us in life.  We keep running, sometimes aimlessly on the track or off the track. In the professional world most of the father’s play the role of a boss or a subordinate or a client or a consultant. Workaholic father’s kill their family time at workplace.  They get so much engrossed in their daily chores of activities and professional projects that they forget about their role as a father. The father always compromises & the professional always wins. This fact is hard to realize but many friends have confessed that even when they are playing with their children at home or putting them to bed ( if at all they do so) what runs over in their minds is not the happiness of being with the kids but something else related to work.

Once I saw a shopkeeper who was selling school accessories like school bags, water bottle, Tiffin box etc. There was a lot of crowd in his shop. While the children were clamoring on him to get the items of their choice their mother’s were ruthlessly busy bargaining for their purchase. In spite of all the brouhaha this gentleman shopkeeper was very cool and smiling. I could not resist asking him the secret behind his patience and peace. He said, “Sir when we start from home, every morning we keep a ice cube on our head. We know we need to maintain compose to do business.” I asked, what happens when he calls it a day at night? Shopkeeper “ “The ice melts and I vent it off on my family members!”

Father’s brash behavior at home makes things worse, children learn to make out easily how desperate their daddy is! While the kid is desperate to spend time with the father, the professional is only passionate about his work!  A project which did not take off at work will always mean dooms day at home. The five year old boy who desperately wants to see his dad happy at homes easily makes out that his daddy is miserable. When dad is back home all are supposed to be disciplined and silent as if a dictator has started his parade! Dad earns a forced respect but love depreciates. Communication stops and silence starts entering the family atmosphere. The small girl learns the lesson “father never smiles”!

A story goes round the internet where a child asks his father as to how much money he makes an hour, The father was busy with certain phone call and replies his son just to get rid of him. He says, Rs. 200/- only. After some time the son comes and asks, dad can you lend me rupees 75/-? Again to avoid the child’s disturbance the father throws a hundred rupee note at him. After some time the kid comes back to the father with Rs. 200/- in his hand now.  Seeing him back and this time along with money, the father lost his temper and screamed at the importunate child. “If you had all this money with you, why the hell have you been disturbing me for the last 15 minutes?” The kid had tears in his eyes which he tried to hide somehow, silently handed over a small envelop to his father and ran away.

Father opened the envelop only to find a letter and Rs.200/- in that envelop. The letter said :”My dear loving Dad, Here is Rs. 200/- for you. Can you please spend one hour with me today at dinner?”

The realization creeps in and hurts the busy father. You spend 365 days fulfilling your ambitions and business or work responsibilities. You take loans and build mansions. You spend your days in arranging money to pay back the debt. Commitments & promises at work steal away the precious loved ones from you. And one day you realize you are really missing the real pleasures in life. You did learn to architecture a house not necessarily a home.

I request all father’s to make amendments in their priorities of life. Compel yourself to have a few hours with your family. Re-organise your priorities or else I can honestly tell “at the end of the day you will not be happy dad!”

 Lessons for Excellence :

1. We celebrate various kinds of days like father’s day, women’s day etc. The gist of having such days to celebrate is to remind us about our social and family responsibilities.
2. Do not just add work days to your life, try adding life to your days!
3. The best part of future is that it comes one day at a time, try to live each day, one day at a time.
4. Happy fatherhood is not about provisioning for school fee or birthday party, but about spending quality time with kids.
5. Time flies and takes away the childhood of your children, better relish it before it is too late.

Ajit Varwandkar

Email : info@fsindia.in